Packing My Bags and Leaving My Excuses Behind

I’m going away for a week. It’s going to be really hard for me, but if you follow my blogs, you know that I’m not willing to not travel. (Here’s more about that.)

This is an annual event, so I’ve known it was coming. I promised myself that this year, things would be different. I’d be able to get around better. I’d be in better shape. I wouldn’t be as much of a burden to the people I’m traveling with. You know, all the things.

And here I am, five days away from leaving, and nothing has changed.

I didn’t lose the weight I wanted to lose. I didn’t stick to the habits I swore I’d build. My suitcase looks the same, my body feels the same, and honestly, my disappointment feels the same too. It’s not that I didn’t want to change. I did. Desperately. But wanting it and doing it are two different languages, and I still don’t seem to be fluent in the second one.

So what actually motivates real change? The kind that doesn’t disappear when life gets busy or when the excitement wears off?

Sometimes it’s a breaking point, when something hurts so much that staying the same isn’t an option anymore. Other times it’s quieter. It’s when you get tired of your own promises, tired of letting yourself down, and decide that even a tiny step forward counts as progress.

Maybe both are true. Maybe big change needs both the thunderclap and the slow, steady rain.

Because here’s what I’m realizing. Change doesn’t start with the trip, or the deadline, or the fantasy of “next time.” It starts with a choice I make today, before the suitcase is packed, before I step on the plane, before I can talk myself out of it.

So I Asked AI What I Can Do to Create a Real Shift

I asked AI what I could do to effect a real dramatic shift, and here were some of the suggestions.

1. Stop waiting for the perfect moment.
   AI pointed out something that hit me hard. Waiting for “when things calm down” or “when I feel ready” is just procrastination wearing a nice outfit. There’s never a perfect moment. The best time to start is usually the most inconvenient one, because that’s when it actually matters.
2. Make the goal smaller, then smaller again.
   It suggested that instead of focusing on a giant transformation, I should look for the tiniest possible action that creates momentum. Not “get in shape,” but “walk to the end of the block.” Not “eat perfectly,” but “add one vegetable.” Change doesn’t come from grand gestures. It comes from repeatable, ridiculously small wins.
3. Build in accountability, not punishment.
   The AI reminded me that accountability works best when it feels supportive, not shameful. That could mean texting a friend when I take a walk, checking in with my community, or even writing about it here. Not to confess, but to celebrate.
4. Redefine progress.
   This one surprised me. It said, “Progress is any action that aligns with your intention.” Not the scale, not the mirror, not someone else’s approval, but the quiet knowledge that I followed through. That’s a definition I can live with.
5. Don’t wait for motivation. Create structure instead.
   Apparently, motivation is unreliable. Structure is what shows up when motivation doesn’t. So instead of waiting to feel inspired, I can design my days to make it easier to choose the right thing. Set reminders, lay out clothes, prep food, schedule movement. Take the thinking out of it so I can just do it.

Maybe the shift I’m craving isn’t about changing everything. Maybe it’s about changing how I respond to the fact that everything hasn’t changed yet.

Moving Forward Anyway

So here’s what I’ve decided.

I’m still going. I’m still packing the same suitcase and the same body, but I’m not taking the same mindset with me. I’m done waiting for the version of myself who’s “ready.” She’s taking too long to show up, and honestly, I think she’s been waiting for me this whole time.

This trip isn’t going to be easy. Travel never is for me. But this time I’m going with curiosity instead of shame. I’m going to pay attention to how I move, how I rest, what I need, and how I can make things a little easier next time. Not perfect, just easier.

I’m going to use those AI suggestions like a compass instead of a checklist. Tiny steps. Real accountability. Forgiving myself when it’s hard. And structure that doesn’t rely on willpower alone.

Because maybe the real dramatic shift isn’t something that happens to me. Maybe it’s something I quietly start, one choice, one trip, one brave moment at a time.

And who knows? Maybe when I come back, I’ll be just a little bit closer to the version of me who doesn’t wait anymore.