A couple of weeks ago, I was in the middle of my normal morning routine. Wake up, ignore the fact that most humans are up and out of bed already, picked up my phone, checked my emails… You know, a typical morning.
About half an hour into it (yeah, I can do that for up to an hour – mornings aren’t my jam), I decided it was enough and got out of bed. As I was getting dressed, I started thinking of what I had to do that day. I thought, “I have to get dressed. I have to eat something. I have to do laundry. I have to put some serious time into job hunting. I get to work out.”
I get to work out. It was one of the 3x/wk. workouts not done in my home, but from the Planet Fitness, where I do my strength training. I like strength training. A lot. I put my AirPods in, put my phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode, and listen to my workout playlist. I get some solid “me” time, which is needed. Oh, and I also get the benefits of strength training, which are innumerable.
And this is where it hit me. It was that one word. Get. I have to do things that aren’t much fun. I get to do things I like. It’s a completely different vibe. And it’s a large part of why I keep going back, week after week.
The Quiet Power of Framing
So, here’s the thing that hit me about this whole “have to” versus “get to” thing. It’s not just some feel-good positive thinking garbage. There’s actual science behind why changing just one word can rewire how you experience something.
Psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky figured out that our brains respond totally differently to the same exact situation depending on how it’s presented to us. They called it the framing effect (2). Basically, when you frame something as a gain (like “I get to work out”), your brain latches onto the positive. When you frame it as a loss or obligation (“I have to work out”), you’re setting yourself up to feel like it’s a burden before you even start.
And get this – when people are stressed, they’re even more influenced by framing (1). So, if you’re already overwhelmed, the way you talk to yourself matters a whole lot more.
This Actually Matters
I’m not saying you need to go around acting like everything in your life is great. Some stuff genuinely sucks and still needs get done. But for the things that actually add value to your life? For the gym sessions, the meal prep, the projects you care about? The frame you put around them can change everything.
When I realized I switched from thinking “have to” to “get to,” something clicked. I also realized my energy changed. It was a completely different compared to all the other things needing to be done that day.
Your brain is constantly trying to make sense of what’s happening, and it’s looking for shortcuts. The words you use – even just in your own head – create these mental shortcuts that tell your brain whether to lean in or pull back. “Have to” signals obligation, pressure, something being forced on you. “Get to” signals opportunity, choice, something you’re lucky to have access to.
And here’s where it gets interesting: this isn’t about lying to yourself. I genuinely do get to go to Planet Fitness three times a week. I have a gym membership I can afford. I have a body that can lift weights, even if some of them aren’t super heavy. I have the time carved out in my schedule. Those are all real things. The “get to” frame isn’t fake positivity – it’s just acknowledging what’s really true about the situation.
The Real Shift
This whole framing thing is not about making hard stuff easier. It’s about recognizing that the lens you’re using changes what you see. And if you’re going to show up for something anyway – if you’re going to do the workout, prep the meal, work on the project – you might as well show up in a way that gives you energy instead of draining it.
So yeah. One word. “Get” to instead of “have” to. It sounds simple. It sounds like the kind of thing that shouldn’t matter as much as it does. And it sounds like a line I’d normally dismiss as some wanna-be influencer trying to make a buck off an AI-created program. But it’s been weeks now, and I keep noticing it. In my workouts, yeah, but also in how I think about showing up for everything else that matters.
Try it. Pick one thing you’ve been telling yourself you “have to” do. Something that’s actually good for you, something that adds value to your life. And see what happens when you reframe it as something you “get to” do.
That one word might just change how you show up for one more thing. Then another, and then another.
Written by guest blogger, Donna Sclair
Disclaimer:
I pay for my Planet Fitness membership. I am not sponsored by them, nor is this an endorsement for them.
References
Kim, S., Goldstein, D., Hasher, L., & Zacks, R. T. (2005). Framing effects in younger and older adults. Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences, 60B(4), P215-P218. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/60.4.p215
Tversky, A., & Kahneman, D. (1981). The framing of decisions and the psychology of choice. Science, 211(4481), 453-458. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.7455683
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